"Depression is such a cruel punishment. There are no fevers, no rashes, no blood tests to send people scurrying in concern. Just the slow erosion of the self, as insidious as any cancer. And, like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience. A room in hell with only your name on the door."

(via ihaveanaugustuswatersfetish)

i wanted to put a win in the Dad column. 

i mean, i didn’t want to pick sides at all; i really didn’t want this to be about picking sides. but when that’s what it became, i wanted it to be right for me to pick you. it isn’t of course. my health is playing some vicious games and i don’t have enough baggage to have to drive it cross country. well, i’d like to think i don’t have that baggage. but after this summer… who knows.

i wanted to pick you because you need it. you need a win as a father because i stopped letting you be my father after i realized you didn’t acknowledge my mother’s strength. and she’s right you know, i hated you. i was scared to stay at your house, especially once carter left. how could i be there alone with you? or.. not just you, but you and your sadness. you and your anger. i’m sorry that i couldn’t be strong enough to just stay there but you were unhealthy and i was too young to know how to treat you. i’m still too young. i don’t know if you are any stronger. 
but i do know that this hurts. wanting you to be happy, knowing that i hold the power to give you this Father-Daughter experience you dreamed of?? that kills me. i want you to have other sources of happiness. i want you to be spoiled with happiness every day, and i mean that. and wanting that so badly makes it hurt even more knowing that i probably can’t choose you. 

i mean, i’m sick too dad. and if this were about just me and my health i might not even be going to Tacoma right now. i might be in hospitals. but i’m not because the ER costs too much so i’m on the slow track out of this discomfort. that is a whole other matter. 
and this isn’t about me.

it’s about the fact that i chose mom, whether she wanted it or not. i chose her and then i lost it. i broke down and i got real selfish real fast and by the time i realized how much she had needed me we were past the point of return. she is my caretaker, she is my life-preserver and i am her dead weight. 
of course she is confused by my hesitance to reject you. i have been rejecting you my whole life; what makes this huge choice any different from all the little choices? don’t i remember how much she’s done for me?

and that’s where it happens. the sides. on one side i want you to be happy and on the other side mum has spent the past six years sacrificing for my safety and well-being and to turn around and get in a car with you and not see her for months.. how could i do that to her?
but how can i not do this for you. it all hurts. there isn’t a right answer, you know, there just isn’t. 
because i genuinely did not have a preference when the options were presented to me.. but then it got messy. and now its so tangled up that i can’t even be excited about something i worked so hard for, something i waited two years for, because i have to pick Parent Sides just to fucking get out there. it’s bullshit. neither of you are the bad guy.. but neither of you are right to do this to me either. 

it tears me up, and this should not be the most stressful part about going to college.

23rd Jul 201408:012,823 notes


also you know what you should do instead of just writing a woman who fights physically?

write women who are friends with each other. write women who get along with each other. write women who love each other.

write a woman who has a moment of weakness and finds support from another woman. write women who fight for each other. write women who find strength in each other. it’s so important.

(via thebittersweetkingdom)


i cant believe there was a time in my life where i hated the color pink. it just feels unreal to me. i dont feel a connection to how i was in the past

(via wasarahbi)


hey friend. one day ur gonna be happy. one day ur gonna be sitting w someone u love in ur favourite place in the world and ur gonna think “wow. life is p great” and everything will be okay. but u gotta make it til then okay? just hang in there. u’ll be okay.

(via anacondom)

~   Andrea Gibson

good god i wish it were true


Three photos taken in the same place, different times of the year.

(via wasarahbi)


Julia Butterfly Hill lived in a 180 ft tall, roughly 1500 year old California Redwood tree for 738 days between December 10, 1997 and December 18, 1999. Hill lived in the tree, affectionately known as “Luna,” to prevent Pacific Lumber Company loggers from cutting it down.
27th Jun 201410:0263,841 notes

"I grew up in a really small island, and I didn’t have a lot of access to fashion, but as far as i could remember, fashion has always been my defense mechanism. Even as a child, I remember thinking, she can beat me, but she cannot beat my outfit.”
27th Jun 201409:5220,707 notes
Opaque  by  andbamnan